i never knew what i meant to you

Dear old friend How has everything been Do you still have the memories from back then Or has time took them from your head Why do people leave Actually why do i seek relief In people who only mistreated me Love the sense of dependence and needing me Iโ€™d give the ones that i love all the blood in my body But never be seen as enough I used to kick with my clique never trip About a ***** shoving smoke in my lungs Now they just copy me putting out music Instead of pursuing the shit that they love They haven't seen all the sleepless nights I would stay up or the times i would write as iโ€™d cut I still have notebooks with pages and pages Of verses soaked all in my blood Conversations ii had with myself when no one felt like giving a shit Contemplations i had of just giving everything up One night i grabbed all my razors And sat there in silence while holding a gun Thinking it wonโ€™t be so silent when everyone hears what iโ€™ve done Squeezed the trigger as hard as i could but the bullet was stuck Etched 20 lines in my skin fell asleep and left life up to luck Iโ€™m not scared of the dark anymore iโ€™m in love with it Spent so much time in it i became one with it I donโ€™t ever wanna see the sun again All i want is to be ****ing dead Leave me roses and violets inside of my coffin A knife and an upsidedown cross with Blood dripping off it An ounce n some vodka Make sure theres a moshpit Make sure my mom is In the middle getting stomped quick Forall the times she left me n my brother unconscious High on drugs coming off it How has everything been Do you still have the memories from back then Or has time took them from your head