Lyrics: Joe DiPietro
Music: Jimmy Roberts
Did I mention that I just had my phone fixed?
Really?
Yes.
Ohhh.
Yup.
Wow.
Yup.
Oh! I just remembered the cutest story about my brother!
What?
No, maybe not.
No, come on, come on!
Ok, my brother,
this is really cute...
Yeah?
My brother, he has eleven toes!
I sit here trying to impress and make this guy aw struck.
But every subject I address make me sound like such a shmuck.
Its not that I can't be diverting, sometimes I can even thrill,
But I'd just be so much better at flirting, if i only had looks that kill.
If I were a stud.
If I were a babe.
The kind of guy girls love.
The kind of girl guys crave.
My breasts would be rounder.
My pex would asound her.
My legs would be longer.
My buns would be stronger.
My locks would be flowing
My chest hair would be showing.
My hips would be slimmer.
My butt would just simmer.
Oh oh oh
I'm gonna go up and seduce him.
Oh oh oh
She'll be begging me for more.
Oh oh oh
Yea tonight I'm gonna goose him.
Tonight I'm gonna score yeah!
A stude
A Babe
She'll love.
He'll crave
Oh oh oh
If I were a....
So, Julie, baby, BABY!
Talk to me sweet meat.
You, uh, you have some nacho schmutz on your face there.
Gone?
You, uh, wiped it to the other side...
oh, now it's on your chin.
Better.
Julie, be honest,
I don't have a lot of what you're looking for
do I?
No, no it's me.
Julie, I'm not stud.
I'm not a babe.
I'm not a guy girls love.
Well, I'm not a girl guys crave.
Really?
I'm awkward and whiney
My biceps are tiny
I'm not to athletic
My clothes are sinthetic
My nails are all chewed off
My hair is all glued on
My hips are all gulpy
Well mine are real lumpy
Oh oh oh
Every night I'm always snoring.
Oh oh oh
Yea my feet can really stink
Oh oh oh
Yea I'm homely and I'm boring
Well let me buy you one more drink
No stud
No babe
I love
I crave
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh