A place on the parade Imagine it A place on the parade Could be just the opportunity for a get-ahead young man! A place on the parade My name above the door "Gilbert Chilvers-Chiropodist" A place on the parade It's what I've been waiting for It's perfectly positioned Both prominent yet quaint An adequate shop window A lick or two of paint Everything I dreamed of for setting up in trade My own place My place on the parade Hammertoes and bunions Callouses and corns Clippers for the toenails Tweezers for the thorns Fear of fallen arches? Easily allayed In my place on the parade Tineal infection Fetid fungal growth Step into my parlour I can cure you both Virulent verruccas Fall beneath the blade In my place on the parade Think of the good I could achieve Think of the pain I could relieve While wise men Make Britain great again Playing their roles I'm saving soles Remedies and ointments It's the stuff of dreams Every embrocation Liniments and creams Pumice stones and scalpels Lovingly displayed In my place on the parade On the parade Gilbert! What? Propriety shouting down the Parade! Joyce, haven't we always talked of one day having my own surgery on the parade? And now finally, there's an open door! Yes, it's true Everyone would notice How could they resist Good day Mrs Chilvers How may we assist As for dirty glances They would quickly fade With our place on the parade We'll be the new Think of the good People to know I could achieve We will break through Think of the pain Then watch us grow I could relieve One small shop Who knows where things may stop Dreams can be made On the parade Hammertoes and bunions Callouses and corns(When this town) Clippers for the toenails(Gets to see) Tweezers for the thorns(There is far more to me) As for dirty glances No more dirty glances They would quickly fade With our place On the parade at last Setting up in trade Due respect will be paid When we're on the parade