Lyrics: Dan Bull/Gregory Holgate
Music: Dan Bull/Gregory Holgate
STUPENDIBULL:
Sleeping deep beneath the sleepers of the isle
There's a demon creature dreaming
Heathen and reviled
Sees no rhyme or reason
But for feasting when he's riled
Better let him be
Lest you are sure to see the smile
Of sixteen tons of scurrying death
Smouldering souls through funnel of red
With a pick-like grin on the front of his head
Sat atop a most illogical number of legs
Dan Bull:
Tickets,please!
Let me tell you the tale
Of a wicked beast
That'll follow your trail
Through the valleys and vales
On your tail day and night
the Stupendium:
There'll be chaos on the rails
When the "Railway Strikes"
Dan Bull:
Stop,take stock
Try to gauge the situation
the Stupendium:
'fraid your train has been derailed
There's no use waiting in the station
Every engine's been dismantled
There's no other service coming
Charles is leading by example
He's the only train that's Runing
Dan Bull：
All in all
We're in a doozy of a mess
the Stupendium:
So,all aboard the WTF Express
Dan Bull:
Should you want to stay safe
Then I wouldn't play games
Or you'll learn another way of saying:
STUPENDIBULL:
"RUN AWAY!TRAIN!"
Every life has a light
In the tunnel ahead
But you might just find
That behind instead
Of a heaven is an engine
And the devil inbred
And we're next on the Menu
If we've left him unfed
CHARLIE
Your timetable says
It's almost time for tea
CHARLIE
And we've laid on quite
A spread as you can see
There's a Choo-choo train
Coming after you
Food chain's
Gone a bit askew
Won't catch that train
If it's gonna CATCH you
the Stupendium:
For certain worse
Than what they say to mind the gap for
The train's not just cancelled
It's damn well deplatformed
Since it scampered off the tracks
To find a snack from off your back lawn
Couple jackdaws and your cat
And then your dad from off the back porch
He's hungry and he's hunting down the islanders
With a side of any siding-hinding bystanders
Quite queer what his dietary requirements are
But it's pretty clear regardless
HE'S A DINING CAR
Dan Bull:
Coke?
the Stupendium:
Coal?
Dan Bull:
Petroleum?
STUPENDIBULL:
Alone they'll never do
the Stupendium:
No,this engine sends the scent
Of rendered flesh out from the flue
Dan Bull:
"On this service we'll be serving
something rather more unnerving."
the Stupendium:
Chugga-chugging on blood as he Chew-chews you!
Dan Bull:
It's all true
Choo-choos consume fuel too
Humans are a whole new
Consumable and whole food
Gluten-free-range
And more renewable than coal too
So,who to choose to chew to this tune?
Ooh,you'll do
STUPENDIBULL:
Every life has a light
In the tunnel ahead
But you might just find
That behind instead
Of a heaven is an engine
And the devil inbred
And we're next on the Menu
If we've left him unfed
CHARLIE
Your timetable says
It's almost time for tea
CHARLIE
And we've laid on quite
A spread as you can see
CHARLIE
If we sate your lust for flesh
On which to feed
CHARLIE
Will you promise
To eat them instead of me?
There's a Choo-choo train
Coming after you
Food chain's
Gone a bit askew
Won't catch that train
If it's gonna CATCH you
ENGINE
engine
NUMBER
nine
on the
ARAN-
-earum
MINING
line
IF YOUR
train comes
OFF THE
track
BETTER RUN
better run
or you
WON'T
come
BACK
Dan Bull:
Hey,guess who?
the Stupendium:
This is deja vu
Dan Bull:
Like HS2
STUPEMDIBULL:
You'll be railed right through!
Dan Bull:
Penetrated in the vein of a mainline route
STUPEMDIBULL:
When we come,well then
We're gonna "Run a Train" on you!
Dan Bull:
You might say we've got a "Loco Motive"
To provide the train with a load of groceries
Locally sourced from the loca folk,dear
Granny's s'pose to host
Although she's toast when the smoke clears
the Stupendium:
The El Choo-choopacabara
The beast come to dine
And it's far worse than leaves
That he leaves on the line
Dan Bull:
You'll see when he feasts
In the deep of the night
STUPEMDIBULL:
By the pieces of people-y debris left behind
the Stupendium:
Riding off-peak?
Don't be ridiculous
The worth of your season ticket is
Quickly diminishing with every pillock
We're feeding into his gleaming
Dan Bull:
Scissorous teeth
STUPEMDIBULL:
But if we seem insidious
We're just uneasy villagers
Seeking to keep the most hideous beast
We unleashed from committing
The deed of killing us
the Stupendium:
If killing a priest,a vicar
A grocer or postman or three is villainous?
Dan Bull:
Well,what's it to me?
the Stupendium:
You probably see the feast is imminent
Keep on screaming,pump the bellows
He'll be drawn to your duress
Charlie loves a little murder
On the goriest express
Dan Bull:
You can ruminate on whether
There's a certain train near
Or pray that is's a rumour
Made to circulate fear
But in case you didn't hear
Then I'd better make clear
"This train terminates here."
STUPENDIBULL:
Every life has a light
In the tunnel ahead
But you might just find
That behind instead
Of a heaven is an engine
And the devil inbred
And we're next on the Menu
If we've left him unfed
CHARLIE
Your timetable says
It's almost time for tea
CHARLIE
And we've laid on quite
A spread as you can see
CHARLIE
If we sate your lust for flesh
On which to feed
CHARLIE
Will you promise
To eat them instead of me?
There's a Choo-choo train
Coming after you
Food chain's
Gone a bit askew
Won't catch that train
If it's gonna CATCH you
(Tea time)