[LYDIA:] Way back when
I was just ten
Simple and sweet
Everywhere fellas would stare
Out on the street
And I felt used
Kinda confused
I would refuse to look in their eyes
But now I really love creepy old guys!
[ALL:] We all do!
[BARBARA:] Gum disease
[DELIA:] Skin like grilled cheese
[LYDIA:] Saggy old asses!
[DELIA:] Saggy old asses!
[LYDIA:] It's cute and vile-
[DELIA & BARBARA:] "Hey baby, smile!"
[LYDIA:] To each girl that passes!
[LYDIA:] They make me blush!
[BARBARA:] Can't get enough!
[LYDIA:] Now one of 'em loves me, wants to be mine! [BARBARA AND DELIA:] That's right!
[LYDIA:] Marrying my own creepy old guy!
[BETELGEUSE:] I'm a creepy old guy!
[LYDIA:] My creepy old guy, my creepy old guy
I'm so happy I could cry!
[BARBARA & DELIA:] Girls may seem disgusted, but we're actually just shy!
[LYDIA:] My creepy old groom!
[BARBARA:] Creepy old groom!
[BARBARA & LYDIA:] Play that wedding tune
[LYDIA:] Hey folks, step aside!
[BETELGEUSE:] I am older, but I'm glad I waited!
[LYDIA:] 'Cuz here comes the bride!
I am marrying my creepy old guy
[THE OTHERS:] Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy
[LYDIA:] My creepy old guy!
[THE OTHERS:] Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy!
[LYDIA:] Fix his hair, get him prepared
For Armageddon
[BARBARA:] Sure, the groom crawled out of a tomb-
[DELIA:] But hey, hey, it's a wedding!
[LYDIA:] So dim the lights
Pick up some rice
Say something nice!
It's my day to shine
I'm getting hitched to my creepy old guy!
[BETELGEUSE:] It's showtime!
[BARBARA & DELIA:]Creepy old guy, creepy old guy
She's marrying a creepy old guy!
[CHARLES:] Have you guys seen "Lolita"?
This is just like that, but fine!
[THE OTHERS:] Creepy old dude, creepy old dude
Our faith has been renewed
Now love is alive!
[LYDIA:] Wave your baby girl goodbye
I am walking down the aisle
I wanna see a tear in every eye as I pass by
I know that on the outside he's disgusting
And even on the inside, he's disgusting
But I know that this time, I'm makin' it right (Making it right, making it right!)
[LYDIA:] With my family by my side
[BETELGEUSE:] (Oh, this is fun I don't usually dance but oh well. A dance break on an album! Amazing!)
O-M-G
Dressed to a "T"
Fancy and formal
I found me a wife
L'chaim! To life!
This is so normal!
I was ignored, but now, I'm adored!
'Cause I extorted, tortured, and lied
Give it up for my underage bride!
[THE OTHERS:] Here comes the bride, here comes the bride
God be glorified!
[ALL (INCLUDING BETELGEUSE AND LYDIA):] I can't believe some cultures think this kind of thing's alright
[LYDIA:] My creepy old guy, my creepy old guy
Doesn't he deserve a chance at life?
[BETELGEUSE:] Oh yeah, that's right! (Yeah, that's right!)
[LYDIA:] Let's make him alive!
I am marrying my creepy old guy!
[THE OTHERS:] Guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy, guy, guy!
[BETELGEUSE:] I have chills!
[ALL:] Yeah!