Lyrics: Alan Jay Lerner
Music: Frederick Loewe
"Mrs Higgins (spoken)
Colonel Pickering, I don’t understand – do you mean that my son is coming to Ascot today?
Pickering (spoken)
Yes, he is, Mrs Higgins. As a matter of fact, he’s here!
Mrs Higgins
What a disagreeable surprise. Ascot is usually the one place I can come to with my friends and not run the risk of seeing my son, Henry. Whenever my friends meet him, I never see them again.
Pickering
He had to come, Mrs Higgins. You see, he’s taking the girl to the annual Embassy Ball, and he wanted to try her out first.
Mrs Higgins
I beg your pardon?
Pickering
You know... the annual Embassy Ball...
Mrs Higgins
Yes, I know the Ball... but what girl?
Pickering
Oh, didn’t I mention that?
Mrs Higgins
No, you did not.
Pickering
Well, it’s quite simple, really. One night I went to the Opera at Covent Garden to hear one of my favorite operas – ‘Aida’ – and as I was coming out – incidentally, they didn’t do ‘Aida’ that night – No, they did ‘Gotterdammerung’ instead. I’d never heard ‘Gotterdammerung’. By George, that’s a rackety one! Now, when this tenor chap...
Mrs Higgins
What about the girl, Colonel?
Pickering
Oh, yes. As I was coming out, I met your son, Henry, who, in turn, met Miss Doolittle, who now lives with Henry.
Mrs Higgins
Lives with Henry? Is it a love affair?
Pickering
Heavens, no! She’s a flower girl. He picked her up off the curb-stone.
Mrs Higgins
A flower girl?
Pickering
Yes. Higgins said to me: ‘Pickering, you see this girl? In six months I could make a duchess of her.’ I said: ‘Nonsense.’ He came back with ‘Yes, I can’. ‘All right,’ I said, ‘I’ll make a bet with you you can’t.’ And I did. And he is.
(The Ascot Bell is heard ringing.)
Charles (spoken)
The horses are leaving the paddock,
Mrs Higgins.
Pickering
Excuse me, Mrs Higgins. I must fetch her.
Mrs Higgins
But Colonel – am I to understand that Henry is bringing a flower girl to Ascot?
Pickering (turns to her)
Yes, Mrs Higgins. That’s is, that’s it precisely! Jolly good, Mrs Higgins! Jolly good!
(exits)
Mrs Higgins
Charles, you’d better stay close to the car. I may be leaving abruptly."