Music: Jim Bonney
There was a lonesome boy with a hapless frown Whose luck spun around when Auntie came to town A marketeer who could spot a kid with nothing to lose Offered the boy a deal that he couldn't refuse Yes Auntie welcomes you With arms open wide And all you gotta do is sign the dotted line The boy signed up he didn't hesitate Anything to rid him of his pauper's fate The marketeer said, "Ok, we'll start right away!" The first trick of this trade, let no one get in your way. No rules, no oversight, No ethics to abide The only thing that matters is the bottom line You buy low, you sell high, you'll profit more You cut the costs, you raise your prices, profits soar! The joy of laissez-faire Oh you know it well. Making Auntie proud Well, wouldn't that be swell? The boy went straight to work the instant he was hired It would be fair to say it was a trial by fire He was a natural and he quickly learned To make a red-hot deal without getting burned He was unscrupulous and he swiftly rose When you do your business laissez-faire then anything goes! You buy low, you sell high, you'll profit more You cut the costs, you raise your prices, profits soar! The joy of laissez-faire Oh you know it well. Making Auntie proud Well, wouldn't that be swell? Now he's a winsome man with a charming smile Selling diet toothpaste with impeccable style The perfect poster boy Oh can't you see? Yes he's a tribute to Auntie's family! And if it worked for him Then it could work for you You could be the next Auntie's favorite nephew! You buy low, you sell high, you'll profit more You cut the costs, you raise your prices, profits soar! The joy of laissez-faire Oh you know it well Making Auntie proud Well, wouldn't that be swell? You buy low, you sell high, you profit more You cut the costs, you raise your prices, profits soar! The joy of laissez-faire Oh you know it well Making Auntie proud Well, wouldn't that be swell We're making Auntie proud Well, wouldn't that be swell We're making Auntie proud Well, wouldn't that be swell Yeah! (Spoken) Love you, Auntie!