Music: Kevin Murphy/Laurence O'Keefe
[VERONICA:]
September 1st, 1989
Dear Diary:
I think I'm a good person
I believe there's good in everyone, but—here we are!
First day of senior year!
I see these kids I've known all my life and wonder—what happened?
[KIDS:]
Freak!
Slut!
Burnout!
Bug-eyes!
Poser!
Lard-ass!
[VERONICA:]
We were so tiny, happy and shiny
Playing tag and getting chased
[KIDS:]
Freak!
Slut!
Loser!
Shortbus!
[VERONICA:]
Singing and clapping, laughing and napping
Baking cookies, eating paste
[KIDS:]
Bull-dyke!
Stuck-up!
Hunchback!
[VERONICA:]
Then we got bigger, that was the trigger
Like the Huns invading Rome
[KIDS:]
MOVE!
[VERONICA:]
Sorry
Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school:
This is the Thunderdome
Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon
[KIDS:]
White trash!
[VERONICA:]
College will be paradise, if I'm not dead by June!
But I know, I know, life can be beautiful
I pray, I pray for a better way
If we changed back then, we could change again
We can be beautiful...
[HIPSTER DORK:]
Ow!
[VERONICA:]
Just not today
Hey, are you okay?
[HIPSTER DORK:]
Get away, nerd
[KIDS:]
Freak!
Slut!
Cripple!
Homo!
Homo!
Homo!
[VERONICA:]
Things will get better soon as my letter
Comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown
Wake from this coma, take my diploma
Then I can blow this town
Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafés
[RAM:]
Watch it!
[VERONICA:]
Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!
[RAM:]
Oops
[VERONICA:]
Ram Sweeney
Third year as linebacker and eighth year of smacking lunch trays
And being a huge ****
[RAM:]
What did you say to me, skank?
[VERONICA:]
Aah, nothing!
But I know, I know... ([KIDS:] I know, I know...)
Life can be beautiful ([KIDS:] Beautiful...)
I pray, I pray ([KIDS:] I pray, I pray...)
For a better way ([KIDS:] For a better way...)
We were kind before ([KIDS:] Ooh...)
We can be kind once more ([KIDS:] Ooh...)
We can be beautiful... ([KIDS:] Ooh... Beautiful...)
Ugh!... Hey Martha
[MARTHA:]
Hey
[VERONICA:]
Martha Dunnstock
My best friend since...diapers
She’s got a huge heart
’Round here that’s not enough
Thanks
[MARTHA:]
We on for movie night?
[VERONICA:]
You're on Jiffy Pop detail
[MARTHA:]
I rented "The Princess Bride"
[VERONICA:]
Ho-ho-ho-ho, again?
Don't you have it memorized by now?
[MARTHA:]
What can I say?
I'm a sucker for a happy ending
[KURT:]
Martha Dumptruck!Hahaaa!
If you wanna lose a few pounds you need more protein in your diet
[VERONICA:]
Kurt Kelly
Quarterback
He is the smartest guy on the football team
Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf
What is wrong with you?!
[KURT:]
I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?
[RAM:]
My buddy Kurt asked you a question
[VERONICA:]
What gives you the right to pick on my friend?
Look at you
You're a high school has-been waiting to happen
A future gas station attendant
[KURT:]
...You got a zit right there...
[VERONICA:]
Dear diary:
Why...
[BELEAGUERED GEEK:]
Why do they hate me?
[REPUBLICAN GIRL:]
Why don't I fight back?
[KURT:]
Why do I act like such a creep?
[VERONICA:]
Why...
[MARTHA:]
Why won't he date me?
[HIPSTER DORK:]
Why did I wear this?
[STONER CHICK, MS. FLEMING & BLOW-DRIED PREPPY:]
Why do I cry myself to sleep?
[VERONICA:]
Why...
[KIDS:]
Somebody hug me!
Somebody fix me!
Somebody save me!
[KIDS & VERONICA:]
Send me a sign, God!
Give me some hope, here!
Something to live for!
[KIDS:]
Ah! Heather, Heather, and Heather!
[VERONICA:]
And then there's the Heathers
They float above it all
[KIDS:]
I love Heather, Heather, and Heather
[KIDS:]
I hate Heather, Heather, and Heather
[VERONICA:]
Heather McNamara, head cheerleader
Her dad is loaded—he sells engagement rings
[KIDS:]
I want Heather, Heather, and Heather
[VERONICA:]
Heather Duke, runs the yearbook
No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants
[KIDS:]
I need Heather, Heather, and Heather
[VERONICA:]
And Heather Chandler, the Almighty
She is a mythic *****
The Heathers are solid Teflon—never bothered, never harassed
I would give anything to be like that
[KIDS:]
Mm...
[HIPSTER DORK:]
I'd like to be their boyfriend
[KIDS:]
That would be beautiful...
Mm...
[STONER CHICK:]
If I sat at their table, guys would notice me
[KIDS:]
So beautiful...
[MARTHA:]
I'd like them to be nicer
[KIDS:]
That would be beautiful...
[BELEAGUERED GEEK:]
I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats
[HEATHER DUKE:]
Blergh...
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
Grow up, Heather
Bulimia is so '87
[HEATHER DUKE:]
Heather, I need a mint
[HEATHER MCNAMARA:]
What you need, Heather, is to see a doctor
[MS. FLEMING:]
Ah, Heather and Heather
[HEATHER DUKE:]
Blergh...
[MS. FLEMING:]
...and Heather
Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting
You're late for class
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
Heather wasn't feeling well
We're helping her
[MS. FLEMING:]
Not without a hall pass, you're not.
A week's detention
[HEATHER DUKE:]
What?No way, that’s not fair!
[HEATHER MCNAMARA:]
But Ms. Fleming, I’ve got a cheerleader practice
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
My parents pay your salary
[VERONICA:]
Actually, Ms. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass
Yearbook committee
[MS. FLEMING:]
...I see you're all listed
Hurry up and get where you're going
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
This is an excellent forgery
Who are you?
[VERONICA:]
Veronica Sawyer
I crave a boon
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
What boon?
[VERONICA:]
Let me sit at your table at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary
If people think you guys tolerate me, then they'll leave me alone...
Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes
[HEATHER DUKE:]
How about prescriptions?
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
Shut up, Heather
[HEATHER DUKE:]
Sorry, Heather
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure
[HEATHER MCNAMARA:]
And a symmetrical face
If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves
That's very important
[HEATHER DUKE:]
Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
And you know, you know, you know?
This could be beautiful
Mascara, maybe some lip gloss
And we're on our way
Get this girl some blush
And Heather, I need your brush
Let's make her beautiful
[HEATHER MCNAMARA:]
Let's make her beautiful...
[HEATHER DUKE:]
Let's make her beautiful...
[HEATHER CHANDLER:]
Make her beautiful...
Okay?
[VERONICA:]
Okay!
[KURT:]
Out of my way, geek!
[BELEAGUERED GEEK:]
I don't want trouble..
[RAM:]
You're gonna die at 3 pm!
[REPUBLICANETTE & NEW WAVE GIRL:]
Don't you dare touch me! Get away, pervert!
[BELEAGUERED GEEK:]
What did I ever do to them?
[KIDS:]
Who could survive this?
I can't escape this!
I think I'm dying!
[MS. FLEMING:]
Who's that with Heather?
[KIDS:]
Whoa!
Heather, Heather, Heather...
[NEW WAVE GIRL:]
And someone!
[KIDS:]
Heather, Heather, Heather...
[GOWAN & COACH:]
And a babe!
[KIDS:]
Heather, Heather, Heather...
[MARTHA:]
Veronica?!
[KIDS:]
Veronica? Veronica? Veronica?!
[VERONICA:]
And you know, you know, you know
Life can be beautiful ([KIDS:] Ah! Beautiful!)
You hope, you dream, you pray
And you get your way!
Ask me how it feels ([KIDS:] Beautiful!)
Lookin' like hell on wheels...
My God, it's beautiful! ([KIDS:] Ah! Beautiful!)
I might be beautiful... ([KIDS:] Beautiful!)
And when you're beautiful...
It's a beautiful freakin' day!
[KIDS:]
Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!
Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!
Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!
Veronica!