Lyrics: Julia Mattison/Noel Carey
Music: Julia Mattison/Noel Carey
[HELEN]
Poor baby
You lonely bastard
Can't you see how that monster has used you?
You're not her husband
You're just a tissue
One final blow, then she'll throw you away
But I got a plan
And you're the man I know I need, to do it, Ernest
I need to do it, Ernest
[ERNEST]
Do what exactly?
[HELEN]
End Madeline
[ERNEST]
Oh
[HELEN]
Don't look so scared
You know you want it
A simple fix for the years she's abused you
Then poof, she's gone
Bye, Mad, we'll miss you
You had fun, now there's hell to pay
Just do what I do
And Ernest, dear, I guarantee
That once she's through
It's me and you and you and me
We'll start a new life
Put "ex" in front of "wife"
Oncе Madeline's dead and buriеd in a ditch
[ERNEST]
What?
[HELEN]
Let's run away together
Let's run away and be wild
Let's build a house in the woods
I'll forage for goods while you carry my child
Let's run away together
Let's leave the madness behind
We'll hide her corpse without a trace
I'll change my name, you'll change your face
'Til everything is perfect
La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la
[ERNEST]
Helen, you're acting a little insane
[HELEN]
I don't like that word, Ernest
The only thing that's insane is we haven't spent the last ten years wrapped in each other's arms because of her
She stole my life, she made me cuckoo
She's why I spent four years locked in that “Health Spa”
She took it all and left me nothing
But a penchant for bingeing and rage
But enough of me
You sexy man, tell me how I can convince you, Ernest
[ERNEST]
I can't believe we're even—
We shouldn't even be talking about—
[HELEN]
Sh, it will be quick, just how you like it
Zero mess, unless you've got a bonesaw? No?
We'll be precise, we'll stage a story
Of an actress cast out for her age
They'll think she's cracked, a tragic end for all to see
Her final act, they'll eat it up and we'll be free
An innocent pair, my fingers in your hair
While Madeline's decomposing in the ground
Let's run away together
Let's run away to Paris
Let's go make love in the park
Eat bread in the dark while you spread me like brie
[ERNEST]
Let's run away together
[HELEN]
Zou zou bisou
Let's get out now while there's time
You either stay, and life gets worse
Or get your balls out of her purse
And join me to make perfect
La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la
[ERNEST]
I am not saying I'll go along with any of this, it's barbaric
But just out of curiosity, how would we do it?
[HELEN]
Well, off the top of my head
You could take this Narconol, dust it lightly on her wine glass, she drinks from it, passes out.
We drive her up to Mulholland, dump liquor all over her, release the brake.
And the next thing you know they're fishing her out of Jack Nicholson's pool
By the time they perform the autopsy, the Narconol has dissolved, leaving only traces of alcohol
She's classified as just another drunk driver, and we walk off into the sunset together
Again, just spitballing
[ERNEST]
Helen
[HELEN]
What?
[ERNEST]
I can't
[HELEN]
You can
[ERNEST]
I can't
[HELEN]
You can't?
[ERNEST]
I can
[HELEN]
You can
[ERNEST]
I can
[HELEN]
You can
[HELEN & ERNEST]
We can run away together
Ha-ha-ha-ha
[HELEN]
Let's make our new life begin
It's now or never, take your pick
But don't think too hard, make it quick
It's what we have to do
'Cause once that bitch is through
We've won, she's done
Let's run away
Zou zou bisou