Lyrics: Chauncey Graham
Music: Chauncey Graham
It’s hard enough to understand, hard as hell to get it off
Not sure what I’m doing and lately I just wanna talk
Dealing with departure, lost, I could list a lot of things
Pray whoever listening can give me grace while I complain
Dealing with the social norms, grieving through the insecure
Family a bit separate but best if we just all ignore
Lately that’s the way it feel, dealing with it at the core
Maybe it’s some beauty in it then again I’m never sure so I’m
Dealing with the way I live, detriment and daily thrills
Damnear numb to staying float, although we ain’t taught to swim
Guess it’s just the n**** in me, dealing with a superstition
That I gotta get this money whether not my palms are itching
Wether not my intuition telling me they love indifferent
Still I supply loyalty, the tradeoff? I’m dealing with it
Dealing with a hoe who gone forget that I been dealing with her
Maybe I don’t know the way I act do take a toll on women
Maybe that’s the f**** kicker, passing off my f**** feelings
Making them the butt of s*** when I got what I want I’m dipping
All that self control I mention, all that standing so committed
But when I was needed most I didn’t know the way to fix it
add that to the list of things I’m dealing with so silently
Rapping doesn’t cure the pain, really be reminding me
Play the record back again, force me to acknowledge these
Sentiments they gone compare to other rappers, irony
....
We done mentioned trauma? Cool
That there like the kiddy pool
I done dealt with bigger fishes
I done cleared some obstacles
I done made it possible
Optional, and logical
To heal from the dichotomy
I blink and see a lotta feuds
Me versus my adversaries
Love and the imaginary
Tugs on my every move ‘cause
Dealing with it necessary
Who am I to stomach that? Running back to moments I was running back
Still got the same drive, but at times I gotta double back
Think about the way it feel to see the good and see em fail
Think about the times I lied to hoes cause I just couldn’t tell
If sparing them was saving them or bailing out my ****ing self
Dealing with intensity, intimacy & even still
Wonder what my father see
Wonder what does Tommy see
Did I become the brother that I’m pushing him so hard to be
Shrug like it don’t bother me
Hip to my hypocrisy
I don’t feel they hearing me, I just feel them eyeing me
And I can’t tell if it’s respect or if these n**** trying me
How’s that for a turning point, staring at you idly
Okay how I cope with that? Raised round Percocet’s and crack
Dabble in my vice with women, get the monkey off my back
Text Khalil and hit Khadijah, still I ain’t heard nothing back
How I’m post to deal with that, tote a piece concealing that
I just talked to Anthony relate to me we young and black
How I’m post to deal with that?
How I’m post to feel with that?
I just watched the police kill dreajon, like it was tit for tat
I pull up to mourn em, get to fighting n****, s*** is whack
How I’m post to deal with that?
How I’m post to feel with that?
Dealing with the weight of all the pros and cons, good and bad
Dealing with it through my efforts, holidays, we giving back
Dealing with my imperfections, hit the studio and rap
How I’m post to deal with that?
How I’m post to deal with that?
Dealing with it differently then my lil cousin hit me back like
..