Lyrics: Toby Marlow/Lucy Moss
Music: Toby Marlow/Lucy Moss
So a month ago or so, I was feeling super confident and sexy.
And so, of course, I figured, hey, you know what?
I'm gonna just put myself out there and organise some dates…
But oh my babies
There are dates
And then there's the stuff I'VE been getting up to…
Friday night, I had pinned a
Date in the diary with a boy from Tinder
Six foot three, worked in the city
Boring job but he were pretty
He said Where and when?
I said meet at ten
Kinda late but it gave me a bit more
Time to make sure I looked fit
Have a shower, style my hair
Spend an hour on what to wear
Painting my nails and shaving my face and
Making my bed….just in case
Put my favourite Beyoncé on
Drink a glass of Sauvignon Blanc
I'm looking so glamorous, feeling alright
And I text the boy, “still on for tonight?”
*ding*
It's getting late…
Yeah
*ding*
And I can't wait…
Yeah?
*ding*
…to head home, cos I'm actually knackered, are you free next week instead?
Sure!
*ding*
So sorry!
Don't worry, just lemme know when, no hurry!
Hey girl
Hey girl
Let's go out
The second I hit the floor
Everything from before fades away
Cos I'm dancing from the window to the wall
Who cares about that guy
Who left me high and dry?
It's no big deal
And it doesn't affect my self-esteem at all
Cos I might have had
One date cancel
But I'm feeling fine about it
So yeah, these things happen
Yeah, exactly, it was no big deal
I mean, sure, I wasted a bit of time shaving my… legs
Nevermind cos one week later
I met a cute gallery curator
Wanna rip off his double denim
Make his bed like Tracy Emin
So we set a date
Wednesday at the Tate
Then he cancelled, but he said:
Hey let's do Saturday instead?
One more day for getting ready
Haircut, wet shave, mani-pedi
Pop all my pimples, primp up my face
Haven't wanked all week - just in case ;)
Getting nervous, google Van Gogh
Down a pint of Cabernet Sauv
Order an uber and when they arrive
I text the boy “hey, see you in 5?”
*send*
You on your way?
*send*
….hey?
*send*
Hello...?
*send*
Hey girl
Aw not again
It's fine!
Let's go out
The second I hit the town
Forget he let me down
And I get down
Cos the club can't even handle me right now
Won't chop off my ear
For boys who don't appear
It's no big deal
And all art is pretentious bullshit anyhow
So I might have had
Three dates cancel-
*ding*
Hey, really sorry, only just got home and charged my phone -
listen, ugh, I've had an absolute nightm-
But I'm feeling fine about it
Took a risk with date number 4
Bit awkward cos we snogged before
But I thought he might not dismiss me
Cos at least once he tried to kiss me
He said: Okay sure
I've got a rugby tour
But I've got time before my flight
So call me up later on tonight
Pluck my brows, ring him on the phone
Hear the international dial tone
Date number 5 and I'm excited
Feels like this time something's right
He *ding* didn't seem like the type to…
Omigosh no, of course, it's totally fine,
ugh appendicitis is the worst - you get that thing out of there!! Hahaha…
Date no. 6, I'm feeling shoddy
If he cancels, might kill someb-
*ding*
Date no. seven
*ding*
D-
*ding*
Date Nine, now the first one's back in touch
(Do I always sweat this much?)
Says he'll meet me at the bar
“Yay can't wait”
HAHAHA
Wash my body for an hour
You can't see tears in the shower!!
Tissues and ice-cream are ready in place
Downloaded Titanic - just in case
Pose before my full length mirror
Analyse my every flaw
Come to accept I'll be fine on my own as I
Crawl into bed, go to turn off my phone
*ding*
Work kept me late…
So sorry I went straight…
…to the bar but I'm a bit early, so no rush, can't wait!
R u sure?
What?
I mean, great! Just heading out the door!
HEY GIRL
I'm on my way
NO, HE'S THERE
WHAT?
I'M GOING OUT!!
WOO!
The second I hit the bar
I spot him from afar
And I know my heart will go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I pull up a chair
There's magic in the air
As he leans in and says:
Have you done something new with your hair?
SOMEONE CARES!!!!
Aaaaahhh!!!
I seem to make him laugh
He's friendly to the staff
And he tells me about the stock exchange
For an hour and a half!
He says: This was fun
Walks me home at half-past 1
He asks if I've got any plans this weekend, I say “NONE!”
Cos I might've had
One two three four five
six squish uh-uh cicero lipschitz seven
Eight dates cancel
Cancel
But number nine was alright