Music: Jerry Bock/Sheldon Harnick
"Whaddya say, Ben? Want a hand?"
"Nah, you guys go ahead. I got too much on my mind to play poker"
King bets" "Cost you five" "Tony, up to you"
"I'm in" "So am I" "Likewise" "Me, too"
Gentlemen, here we are, and one thing is clear
We gotta pick a candidate for Congress this year
"Big ace" "Ace bets" "You'll pay through the nose"
"I'm in" "So am I" "Likewise" "Here goes"
"Possible straight" "Possible flush" "Nothing"
Gentlemen, how about some names we can use
Some qualified Republican who's willing to lose
How's about we should make Jack Riley the guy ?
Which Riley are you thinkin' of - Jack P. or Jack Y?
I say, "Neither one - I never even met 'em"
I say, "When you got a pair of Jacks, bet 'em!"
Politics and poker, politics and poker
Shuffle up the cards and find the joker
Neither game's for children; either game is rough
Decisions, decisions, like
Who to pick, how to play, what to bet, when to call a bluff
"All right, now, fellas, politics or poker -- which is more important?"
"Pair of treys" "Bet 'em" "Little treys -- good as gold"
"I'll stay" "Raise you five" "I'll call" "I'll fold"
"Raise you back" "I think you're bluffing"
"Put your money where your mouth is"
Gentlemen, knock it off, and let's get this done
Try Michael Payeshenckovich -- I'm certain he'd run
Mike is out -- I'm afraid he just wouldn't sell
Nobody likes a candidate whose name they can't spell
How 'bout Dave Zimmerman?
Davie's too bright
What about Walt Gustafson?
Walt died last night
How about Frank Monahan?
What about George Gale?
Frank ain't a citizen and George is in jail
We could run Al Wollenstein
He's only twenty-three
What about Ed Peterson?
You idiot, that's me!
Politics and poker, politics and poker
Playing for a pot that's mediocre
Politics and poker, running neck and neck
If politics seems more predictable
That's because usually you can stack the deck!
Politics and poker, politics and poker
Makes the average guy a heavy smoker
Bless the nominee and give him our regards
And watch while he learns that in poker and politics
Brother, you've gotta have that slippery haphazardous commodity
You've gotta have the cards!