Producer: Alex Lacamoire
Conductor: Fred Lassen
Lyrics: Stephen Sondheim
Music: Stephen Sondheim
Toby:Ladies and Gentlemen!May I have your attention please?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
What ought not to be there?
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
From now on you can waken with ease.
You need never again have a worry or care,
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare,
Gentlemen, you are about to see something wot rose From the dead!
On the top of my head.
Scarcely a month ago, gentlemen,
I was suddenly struck with a rare Oriental disease.
Though the finest physicians in London were called,
I awakened one morning amazed and appalled
To discover with dread that my head was as bald,As a novice's knees!
I was dying of shame
Till a gentleman came,
An illustrious barber, Pirelli by name.
He gave me a liquid as precious as gold.
I rubbed it in daily like wot I was told,
And behold!
Less than thirty days old!
'Twas Pirelli's Miracle elixir
That's what did the trick, sir,True, sir, true.
Was it quick, sir?Did it in a tick, sir,
Just like an elixir Ought to do!
How about a bottle, mister?
Only costs a penny, guaranteed.
Customer:Penny buys a bottle, I don't know
You don't need,Ah, let's go
Toby:Does Pirelli's Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir, 'Tis unique.
Rub a minute.
Stimulatin', in'it?
Soon you'll have to thin it Once a week!
Penny buys a bottle,guaranteed.
Customer:Penny buys a bottle,might as well
How about a sample?
Go ahead and try it, wot the hell
Toby:Have you ever smelled a cleaner smell?
Customer:Penny buys a bottle, does it?
Customer:Isn't it a crime they let these urchins clog the pavement?
Toby:Gently dab it, gets to be a habit
Soon there'll be enough, sir,Somebody can grab it.
See that chap with Hair like Shelley's?
You can tell 'e's Used Pirelli's!
Customer:Let me have that bottle
Customer:Make that two!
odd: Pardon me Ma'am what's that awful stench
Mrs. Lovett: Are we standing near an open trench
Must be standing near an open trench
oby:Buy Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
Anything what's slick sir, soon sprouts curls
Try Pirelli's, when they see how thick Sir
You can have your pick sir of the girls.
Wanna buy a bottle, Mister?
Todd/Mrs. Lovett: What is this?
Smells like piss
Mrs. Lovett: Smells like...Ugh.
He says it smells like piss.
Wouldn't touch it if I was you dear
Todd: This is piss, piss with ink
Customer:Let me smell that bottle I don't want no ink piss!
Mrs. Lovett: What does that smell like to you, sir?
Customer:Gives back our money!
Todd: Where is this Pirelli?
Customer:Yeah, where is this Pirelli?
Toby:Let Pirelli's activate your roots Sir
Todd: Keep it off your boots, Sir, eats right through
Customer:Go and get Pirelli!
Toby:Yes get Pirelli's, use a bottle of it, Ladies seem to love it
Mrs. Lovett: Flies do too.
Customer:Hand the bloody money over!
Toby:See Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
Grow a little wick, sir Then some fuzz
The Pirelli's soon'll make it thick,sir
Like a good elixir always does!
Trust Pirelli's if your hair is sick, sir
Fix it in the nick, sir Don't look grim
Just Pirelli's Miracle Elixir That'll do the trick, sir
Customer:What about the money?
Toby:If you've got it a kick, sir
Customer:What about the money? Where is this Pirelli?
Go and get Pirelli! What about our money?
Toby:Talk to him!
Audio Assistant: Matthew Soares/Matthew Sullivan
Supervisor: Andrea Craig
Mastering Engineer: Brian Lucey
Recording Engineer: Derik Lee
Vocals: Annaleigh Ashford/Gaten Matarazzo/Josh Groban
Vocal Recording: Bri Holland
Additional Production: Ian Kagey
Mixing Engineer: Jason LaRocca