Bargaining

RENATO: Shopping is different in Italy. Look, when you find something you want to buy, what is the first question you ask the shopkeeper? LEONA: How much, I suppose RENATO: And when he tells you how much, do you pay? LEONA: Right RENATO: Wrong! You say you aren't sure You look, you handle, you wonder, you frown You dwell on what is poor Too big, too little, too orange, too brown You tell him that you think you see a crack He tells you it is just the old shellac You say you saw a better one in Rome a week before He says that if you did, it must have cost a thousand more You say: "Too roccoco!" He says: "Shall I wrap it?" You: "Is it real Venetian?" He: "I can guarantee it." "Let me see some others, please." "Madam, all wе have are thesе." "May I use a check to pay?" "Madam, anything you say." "Will you mend it?" "We will mend it." "Can you send it?" "We can send it." "Will you --?" "Madam." "Can you --?" "Madam." "Is it --?" "Madam." "May I --?" "Madam." "Let me think it over, I'll come back another day." (Spoken) You start to leave the shop He smiles, he fusses, he opens the door You start and then you stop You smile, you ponder, you wander some more You wander and you wait, and he the same Whoever waits the most will win the game You wander near the goblets maybe once or maybe twice You wait until it's closing time, and then you ask the price You say: "How much is it?" He says: "Inexpensive." You: "What is inexpensive?" He: "Only venti mille." "That is twenty thousand, yes?" "But for you I'll make it less." "Will you make it uno mille?" "No, I'll make it dieci mille." "Due mille." "Dieci mille." "Quattro mille." "Nove mille." "Cinque." "Otto." "Sei." "Sette." "Sei!" "Sei? All right, sei." "Let me think it over, I'll come back another day." You start to leave again You go into the street And if he follows, then That signals his defeat And that, you see, is when The bargaining is done You haven't really saved a single lira But you've won! Ah! Won! Ah! Won!