I catch myself holding the door open wide
For a person who isn't right there by my side
It's a glitch in my brain a muscle bound ghost
The habit of us is what hurts me the most
I still buy the milk with the date furthest out
'Cause you were the one who had worries and doubt
About things turning sour before they were used
Now I'm standing in aisle five just looking confused
It isn't a poem it isn't a place
Just the grit in my teeth at the end of the day
It's the way that the bed feels too firm on the right
And the way that the house is too bright in the light
Your absence now is ringing in my ears
The high pitched frequency of all of these years
It's not a soft shadow or a light in the dark
It's a cold metal bench in an empty fenced park
I'm not holding on and I'm not letting go
I'm just stuck in the static of a dead radio
Yeah your absence is a noise I can't drown
A heavy thick pressure that's weighing me down
You had a scar on your elbow from a fall in the street
And you hated the feeling of socks on your feet
These aren't the beautiful things people say
They're just the jagged facts that won't move out the way
I still hear the specific sharp click of your jaw
When you get hit with a feeling of wonder or awe
Now the jaw is gone and the elbow is far
And I'm just a witness to the way things are
Don't tell me about seasons of healing with time
I'm not looking for a mountain I'm supposed to climb
I'm just living in a room where the air has gone stale
Like a ship that's forgotten the use of sails
It's boring and heavy and ugly and real
And I'm tired of trying to decide how to feel
Your absence now is ringing in my ears
The high pitched frequency of all of these years
It's not a soft shadow or a light in the dark
It's a cold metal bench hmm in an empty fence park
I'm not holding on and I'm not letting go
I'm just stuck in the static of a dead radio
I'll probably buy the same milk again next week
Can listen for the floorboards to offer a squeak
But the house is just wood and the milk is just white
And your absence is simply the end of the light
Hmm hmm
A sudden sharp stop