Music: Michael Gore/Dean Pitchford
Chris: Guess what, ever since the world began
Same plot
everyone's been dumping on their fellow man
Pounding people they feel better than
I hope you're taking notes cause
You feel everyone deserves a shot
Get real
Some of us have got it, girl
And some got squat
That's the truth
Oh honey, like it or not
I hate to break it to you
My daddy taught me you get nowhere being nice
So now I'm sharing his advice
The world according to Chris is
Better to strike then get struck
Better to screw then get screwed
You'd probably think it's bizarre
But that's the way things are
Sue: But that doesn't mean it has to be that way
What does it cost to be kind
Chris: Ew, what have you done with my best friend?
Billy, tell me, am I right, or am I right?
Billy: Trust me
I swear
There's a bitch in every class
Not fair
Each and every time I fail those losers pass
Hey, everyone of them can kiss my ass
Chris: You wonder why I love him
Billy: One year, there was this good looking guy
So queer
And on top of that he has a wandering eye
One day he looks at me
And, huh, bye-bye
Chris: I bet he got the message
Chris/Billy: We're here to tell you how this whole damn freak show works
If you don't listen, then you're jerks
All: The world according to Chris is
Better to punch than get punched
Better to burn than get burned
Learn that and you're gonna go far
Cause that's the way things are
Sue: Do you believe her
Tommy: C'mon, she's just being Chris
Sue: You weren't there
It was awful
We were hurting Carrie
Tommy: Oh, I'm sure it wasn't that bad
Sue: Tommy, you don't understand
What was just a joke got out of hand
We kept on screaming till she hit the floor
Tommy: C'mon, everybody was doing it
Sue: Hey, I was in there, too
What came over me was something new
I did things I'd never done before
And now I wish there's something I could do or say
I've never ever felt this way
Tommy: Look, Sue
Don't be so hard on yourself
You can tell me to keep my mouth shut
But, wanna know what I'd advise
Sue: What
Tommy: Apologize
Sue: Apologize
Oh, Tommy!That's genius
Chris: Ew, Sue I can tell you're feeling sad
All: Boo Hoo
So, we clobbered Carrie and that's too damn bad
Chris: This is why you've gotta love my dad
All: He's got the right idea
Chris: My daddy taught me who's on top and who's below
All: Who's below
Chris: And now it's time I let you know
The world according to Chris
Sue: You're joking, right
You can't possibly mean all this
Chris: Why are you being such a buzz-kill
Sue: Chris, grow up
Billy: Let's start this party, people
The World According to Chris
Chris: The world according to Chris is
Better to whip than get whipped
Even if somebody bleeds
Please Nobody dies from a scar
And that's the way things are