Lyrics: Dave Malloy
Music: Dave Malloy
SUSAN
on some nights
i was filled with abounding joy
reveling in the absurdity of my situation
alone in a birch tree forest in latvia
while the world slowly crumbled apart
i’d deck myself out
in my grandmama’s jewels and shawls
dance and prance about the house
feeling her energy radiate off my adornments
exquisite objects that my grandmama wore
such craft and care
they hold a piece of her
they are alive
i hugged my grandmama’s ghost
dazzling in the slipstream
marveling at my solitude
i am a speck
i am a speck!
i am a tiny tiny tiny tiny spеck!
and oh i like this!
i like when thе boys are away
i like when the world is away
i can laugh and play
and sing and swing
and bipbop sting
and tickle myself
maybe that’s what i really want from a partner:
you tickle me for a bit
i tickle you for a bit
and then you go the **** away
leave me on my own
in a blisscloud of weed and wine
and i am so
SUSAN, POOKIE, BECKETT & WOLF
happy right now
i know that i shouldn’t be happy
but i am so happy right now
SUSAN
so happy and ****ing new
POOKIE, BECKETT & WOLF
happy right now…
SUSAN
no responsibilities
no bullshit—
just life and trees
the joy and simplicity of being alive
but then, there were other nights…
i feel a bubble of panic inside
my core is a razor blade waiting to die
a fire is fuzzing its way up my throat
as my stomach and liver and brain all revolt
birch tree branch smoke
stinging my eyes
chair tips back
and i fall through the sky
heart skip vertigo
spasm and shock
what if my heart gives out?
what if my mind goes out?
alone in the forest
porch swing chain creaks close to collapse
there’s no way that i can think out of this trap
cut bare feet on a dizzy tightrope
when will catastrophe find me?
BECKETT & WOLF
**** around and find out
**** around and find out
**** around and find out
**** around and find out…
SUSAN
why am i like this?
why do i need this?
these constant narcotic distractions—
stimulation in my mouth
POOKIE
miss susan!
SUSAN
annihilation on my mind
POOKIE
pook pook pook!
SUSAN
poke poke poking
at the shimmering veil
outrunning my thoughts in the thickets
POOKIE
come on miss susan—
SUSAN
where are the crickets now?
you little liars…
POOKIE
time for bed!
SUSAN
crazy person, coming in
i stumble in
and clutch the wall
this house is too big for me
the hall looms so long
i slide and fall
(susan crashes into a crystal bowl; it shatters.)
****!
POOKIE
miss susan!
SUSAN
the crystal shatters
shards in a thousand directions
POOKIE (angry)
miss susan no!
SUSAN, SADIE, BECKETT & WOLF
if the crystal had a soul
are there now a thousand souls
scattered all across the kitchen floor?
and if the house has a soul
was the crystal part of that soul?
is it hurting now?
am i a part of the soul of this house?
am i a part of the soul of this world?
SUSAN
and if i once shared a soul
what is left after the break?
(grandfather appears before the record player, staring at the spinning disk.)
GRANDFATHER
crazy
i’m crazy for feeling—
SUSAN
grandpapa?
grandpapa is that you?
GRANDFATHER
crazy
i’m crazy for feeling—
SUSAN
you abandoned them!
how dare you leave them!
GRANDFATHER
crazy
i’m crazy for feeling—
SUSAN
reach out, pull back
reach out, pull back—
so ****ing crazy
GRANDFATHER
crazy
i’m crazy for feeling—
SUSAN (burning herself)
the cigarette burns my arm
i can feel the burn—
(grandfather disappears; susan knocks over a tower of books.)
this is why he left me—
POOKIE (taking on a demon voice)
reckless!
SUSAN
i know!
POOKIE
irresponsible child!
SUSAN
i know i know!
POOKIE
you have no impulse control!
SUSAN
i know i know i know!
POOKIE
i do not care for chaos miss susan
do not upset your pūķis!
BECKETT & WOLF
**** around find out
**** around find out
**** around find out
**** around find out
**** around find out
**** around find out
**** around find out
**** around find out
**** around find out
(susan passes out on the floor.)