Lyrics: Dave Malloy
Music: Dave Malloy
SUSAN
it was given to me by a truck of a man in finland;
a gigantic ziplock bag
packed with the stickiest, skunkiest weed you can imagine
i met him in a sauna
drinking 176 proof balkan vodka
WOLF
“susan, you drink vodka
you be strong like me!”
SUSAN
he liked me
nothing happened
but it was fun to flirt
i think he was the last human i touched
so there was the weed
and then there was the wine
POOKIE
ooo miss susan!
i know you’ll like this!
special bottles!
special pook!
SUSAN
eight magnificent giant glass jugs of red currant wine
hiding in grandmama’s basement
it became my nightly ritual:
me and my weed and my red currant winе
swinging on the porch swing
and feeling so fine
SUSAN, POOKIE & BECKETT
staring at the shimmеring stars
all alone
SUSAN
and the day to night to day to night to day…
my mind was so scattered
i couldn’t focus on novels—
my own or anyone else’s—
but the fractured rhythm of poetry was a balm
i could stare at a single page of dancing words for hours
feeling the tips of grandmama’s fingertips on the ink
feeling her breath in the flapping turn of a page
feeling her whisper to me
through cryptic underlinings:
SUSAN, POOKIE & BECKETT
“this strange century”
“search for the souls of stones”
“demons are death in life”
SUSAN
i stumble into the kitchen
make myself a little snack
the only grocery store around was weirdly gourmet
i went once a week
SUSAN, POOKIE & BECKETT
armoring myself in sunglasses, headphones, and bandit’s bandana
watching the other human shapes with suspicion and detachment
SUSAN
as i gathered unusual slavic delicacies
to be consumed in an drunken daze:
SUSAN, POOKIE & BECKETT
dill
herring
borscht
SUSAN
dancing on my tongue
i didn’t really eat meals
just many little snacklets through the day
WOLF
well look at that folks
she’s eating almond butter and fig jam
right out of the ****ing jar!
SUSAN
friends kept checking in
but i started projecting an aura of reclusiveness:
reach out, pull back
reach out, pull back
SUSAN, POOKIE & BECKETT
not responding to texts
answering work emails in slightly too poetic ways
arriving to zooms late
blacking out my video five minutes in
leaving early
WOLF
or just not showing up at all!
SUSAN, POOKIE & BECKETT
declining social and professional opportunities
with a vague whisper of retreat and interiority:
i’m in a quiet place right now
SUSAN
julian and i had one text exchange
right when it happened
julian, that’s my ex
“just checking in, are you okay?”
he had moved to another state
to some dull beige place
for “work.”
that was when the troubles began:
he wanted to go; i wanted to stay put—
SUSAN, POOKIE & BECKETT
“i can’t go julian, my life is here, i have work to do!”
SUSAN
she says, before scramming to finland as soon as he left
“yeah i’m okay, i’m okay”
{crazy spiral eyes face emoji}
WOLF
me and my weed and my red currant wine
WOLF & SUSAN
swinging on the porch swing
and feeling so fine
WOLF, SUSAN, POOKIE & BECKETT
staring at the shimmering stars
all alone
SUSAN
and the thursday to the monday to the tuesday to the sunday
watching the death toll rise…
in my darkest moments
i wanted the numbers to get higher
one of the first adult books i ever read was the stand—
SUSAN, POOKIE & BECKETT
99.4% of the population
wiped clean
burn it all down
start anew
SUSAN
refresh
i fantasized about emerging from my house in the forest
into an apocalyptic landscape
fantasized about going crazy at the end of the world
julian always said
i had a darkness inside