Lyrics: Rob Rokicki
Music: Rob Rokicki
MR. D: Oh, you're alive
I suppose that's good news for you
But it means a lot more paperwork for me
So don't expect me to be happy to see you
Of course, being alive is temporary
(Spoken) So, maybe if I go away and play pinochle for a few hours, things might improve.
For me. Not for you. You'd be dead.
PERCY: (Spoken) Where am I?
MR. D: Great!
You haven't been debriefed
This is way out of my pay grade
Which is saying a lot
'Cause I don't get paid
(Spoken) Someone find Professor Hay-for-breath and tell him Peter Johnson is awake, so he better clip-clop over here!
PERCY: (Spoken) It's Percy Jackson
MR. D: (Spoken) Whatever!
(Sung) Just another terrible day
At Camp Half-Blood
Where everything's the worst
Just another terrible day
When you're in charge
It's like you're cursed
(Spoken) Well, technically I am cursed.
One romp in the woods with Zeus' favorite wood nymph, and you're stuck running a summer camp for a bunch of needy half-bloods.
PERCY: (Spoken) Half-blood?
MR. D: (Spoken) Yeah, half-god, half-mortal. Does no one watch the orientation film?
PERCY: (Spoken) Did you say half-god?
MR D: (Spoken) Yeah. And I half-care
Who's next? Silena Beauregard!
Oh, great, she's crying.
SILENA: (Spoken) I was walking in the strawberry fields with Charlie Beckendorf and we were holding hands and everything was totally normal and then I kissed him and all of a sudden he started growing sunflowers. Everywhere!
MR. D: Look, kid
I hate to be the one to tell you
But I think that Charlie Beckendorf was also holding hands with a nymph
That doesn't wanna to wish you well
To tell you the truth
The best thing is to break up with the guy
(Spoken) 'Course, who am I to give relationship advice, I'm literally the god of alcohol
SILENA: (Spoken) But he loves me-
MR. D: (Spoken) He loves you not! Next!
(Sung) Another terrible day
At Camp Half-Blood
Where everything's the worst
Just another terrible day
I'm the god of wine
And I'm dying of thirst
PERCY: (Spoken) Wait, did you say you're a god?
MR. D: (Spoken) Dionysus, god of wine. The gods are real. Yippy skippy.
Ah, Katie Gardner. I see you've injured your arm.
KATIE: (Spoken) I fell off a pegasus.
MR. D: (Spoken) You don't have flying lessons on Thursdays, you have archery.
KATIE: (Spoken) Those arrows are made of wood! wood comes from trees! I refuse to participate in any activity that encourages the senseless slaughter of our arboreal friends-
MR. D: Oh, gods
Give me Ares or Apollo
Anyone but the Demeter kids cabin
Now that you blessed us
Go talk to Hephaestus
Before I take a knife to my head and start stabbing
(Spoken) And stay away from the pegasi! Girls and ponies...
Ah, speaking of ponies.
MR. BRUNNER: (Spoken) Percy!
PERCY: (Spoken) Mr. Brunner! What are you doing here?
This guy is saying all this crazy stuff about nymphs and gods and...
What is going on?
MR. BRUNNER: (Spoken) It's... complicated-
MR. D: Oh kid,
You have no idea
About this place or your former mentor
I don't have time
To fill you in on the details
But look, he's also a centaur
(Spoken) God!
CHIRON: (Spoken) I did mean to tell you...
MR. D: Another terrible day (PERCY: Mr. Brunner! )
At Camp Half-blood (PERCY: You're a horse! )
Where everything's the worst
Another terrible day (PERCY: What is happening? )
You can hate it here
But I hated it first
Just another terrible day
Stuck with these runts
In the muck and mud
Another terrible day
Oh gods!
(Speaking) I need a drink
(Sung) Enjoy your stay
At Camp Half-blood