Lyrics: Dean Dimarzo/Gregory James Holgate
Music: Dean Dimarzo/Gregory James Holgate
The sensation of your screen
The show that makes you scream
Say it with him, folks!
ITS! T!V! TIME!
Straight from your house, weâre LIVE!
in COLOR! with our own in-studio audience, just the way it oughta be
and the folks at home, the real star of the show
you keep our ratings high, [and our overhead low!]
hey there, Doctor Tennaville, whatâs the prescription?
every prize our cadoos and cadettes could be winning?
itâs a brand new car! a plush toy of your friend, and some floral bath curtains
[canât get that from an egg!]
Hey Mike! hit the lights, show âem all the grand prize
that your groovy never glooby mediator of the movie
so benevolently rendered for your ever-entertainment
to obtain it, all you gotta do is play play play!
so let me be your TV guide, and keep providing,
all your time undivided
every hour on the hour, ânother show to be devoured, keep you hooked with all the power that the censor will allow
thatâs not all! itâs time for our feature presentation!
grab a snack, grab a soda, cause you need to stay awake
a little longer, need your help to keep the ratings stronger
are you having fun yet? just sing along now
[I]
canât hear you, say a little louder
[love]
thatâs right, just donât stop those smiles!
[TV]
thatâs the magic word!
i tell you, i could hear that 99 more times
Sit right down and stay for a while
now donât you dare touch that dial
Weâre broadcasting live to you,
itâs all for you, the idiot box is back in style
Each game and show is action packed
just play along with the laugh track
stick around for the marathon
donât go nowhere, cause weâll be right back
yeah, just make sure you put the airholes in there. That would be bad.
but wait thereâs more! come back! why spend your time scrolling
thereâs a world of fun to get to know on your remote controller
social mediaâs greedy, and wikipediaâs seedy
just grab a friend and PBS and you can learn on your TV!
thereâs game shows, quiz shows, shows for no reason!
while your streamers leave you hanging cancel after just a season
let me help you fall asleep with your favorite programs
wakinâ up with infomercials 3 oâclock in the AM
call now! iâm making a one time deal today
you better act now, the offerâs going away
weâve got QVC! why shop online?
like this kitchen sink fur guard, cryinâ for a buyinâ
never buffer, never suffer another meme from your mother
of the little yellow fellows interrupting your comfort
this media is curated, itâs safe and TV-G rated
thinking twice if you imply that a device could replace it
iâm manâs best friend! iâm better than email!
just bask in the cathode glow
detailâs overrated, who needs widescreen? HD?
You can see it all in 4 by 3
Sit right down and stay for a while
now donât you dare touch that dial
Weâre broadcasting live to you,
itâs all for you, the idiot box is back in style
Each game and show is action packed
just play along with the laugh track
stick around for the marathon
donât go nowhere,
And now a word from our sponsor
*YOUâVE.
GOT.
MAIL.
EAHAEHAEHA.
Tenna! Buddy! Maybe take a shave because youâre -
Getting fuzzy! Bet that telethon aint making-Any money!
Do they get reception in the-
Cemetery?
[ASK ABOUT OUR RETIREMENT PLANS]
Youâre like a TV dinner! [not consumed]
Maybe if you checked the Mike
youâd see the dot com boom
Descending into frame - ending of an age - refreshing the page
Betting on the elderly
[does not compute]
Take aim! Rotting the brainwaves for payday!
Mayday! Sure it was great in your heyday
Waylaid â now the domainâs mine to lay claim
[OHH, BUT LETâS HAVE A LOOK AT WHAT YOU COULD HAVE WON!]
You gotta face reality [TV] - all the kids are in the queue for my VC
Caught up in the net â [YOUR TEARS ARE STREAMING]
Netflix & [CHILDRENâS ENTERTAINMENT] [NOT ANOTHER COCOMELON]*
Whoa mama, what the heck is that thing?
just a rat in the net, washed up, has-been?
stay away from our prize, weâve made it this far
everythingâs going perfectly, âŠwhat was that in the dark?
âŠeh, itâs probably nothing.
Sit right down and stay for a while
now donât you dare touch that dial
Weâre broadcasting live to you,
itâs all for you, the idiot box is back in style
Each game and show is action packed
just play along with the laugh track
stick around for the marathon
donât go nowhere, cause weâll be right back
(Thanks for watching)
so stay and believe in the TV
(TV time will be right back at next week)
youâre already seated, enjoying the show
(Friday at 10:00 am (9 central) on LSC)
so promise that youâll never leave me
(See you next time.)
(I-I will see you, right?)
(You're comming back?)
forgotten again, I donât want you to go
(PLEASE?)