On Monday I had drinks with Barney Rubble
We hit a couple divey little bars
We noticed there was quite a lovely lady
Sitting at the table next to ours
Now Barney who was pretty friggin' wasted
Got up and stumbled over with a groan
He said , hey , just between us
My Neanderthalic peniis
Is as massive as a Stegosaurus bone !
All cartoons are ****in' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk we just can't fix
Cause all cartoons are ****in' dicks
Did Barney really say that ?
Oh , yeah , he is a bastard
Wow
And he , and he really does not give a damn about the feelings of women
And , uh , it's sad
It's really sad
Well , you think that's bad , listen to this:
One day I met an ape of great charisma
Magilla the Gorilla was his name
He wore a little hat and matching bowtie
A fashion which has brought him great acclaim
I said , What do you see as your career peak
Of all your many flashy escapades ?
He said , Well this is funky
But you're lookin' at the monkey
Who's responsible for bringing you the AIDS !
All cartoons are ****in' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk we just can't fix
Cause all cartoons are ****in' dicks
So he's the culprit
I say , that is just awful
Ok , ok , listen to this little gem:
I had a conversation at a party
With famous rabbit hunter Elmer Fudd
He told me I just had to see his rifle
And dropped it on the table with a thud
I said to him , It's quite a lovely firearm
He told me his fiancee likes it too
He said , This may be corny
But it really gets me horny
When I press it to her temple while we screw !
All cartoons are ****in' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk we just can't fix
Cause all cartoons are ****in' dicks
Oh , God , that is one sick bastard
Ooh , you're not kidding
Yeah , that , uh , that kind of stuff is against the law too , I think
Well , I got one that's even worse than that:
On Friday night I went to get some candy
Some soda and some chips and other stuff
Along the way I passed a little alley
And there I saw that canine cop McGruff
I said to him , hey , you're that famous crime dog !
He said , I only work from nine to five
And now it's close to tennish
And I've got a job to finish
Cause as you can see , this hooker's still alive !
All cartoons are ****in' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk we just can't fix
Cause all cartoons are ****in' dicks
That's awful !
Ugh , imagine McGruff beating up hookers
He is a dick , he is a dick !
Yes , yes , he's a nasty cartoon
But I can top that , listen to this:
One day as I was strolling through the forest
I happened on some mushroom covered turf
And there from underneath a patch of fungus
Emerged the one and only Papa Smurf
He said , This is our secret mushroom village
I said , Then I'm the first to see these views ?
He said , I'm only kiddin'
'Cause we only keep it hidden
From the Asians , Arabs , faggots , blacks , and Jews !
All cartoons are ****in' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk we just can't fix
Cause all cartoons are ****in' dicks
That Papa Smurf sounds like a monster
Oh , he is a dirty , nasty racist
And a bigot , and a homophobe
And you know what I did when I got home?
What ?
I called up Gargamel
And I told him where the village is
Hahahahahahahahaha !
Haha , Sweet !
Can I go next ?
Of course , sweetie
One day I met a...
Holy crap , look who's here , it's Jason Alexander !
Hey , cartoon haters
But , but I was supposed to go next !
Quiet , honey , Mr. Alexander wants to talk
I couldn't help overhearing what you were talking about
And I agree
Cartoons are real ****in' assholes
Yeah , that's , uh , sorta what we've been trying to communicate
Well , get a load of this
Hahaha , he said “load”
Haha , hahaha , I know , I heard
I once met Scooby Doo at a premiere bash
He looked a little haggard and he stunk
He said , The trouble started last December
When Daphne made a pass while she was drunk
And now he's got a child out of wedlock
It's dealing his career a fatal blow
I asked him , Where's the baby ?
He said , Jason , buddy , maybe
Now you see why ****in' Scrappy's gotta go !
All cartoons are ****in' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk we just can't fix
Cause all cartoons are ****in' dicks
Wow , Scrappy is the bastard child of Scooby and Daphne
Shocking , isn't it ?
Yeah
Hey , you douche bags wanna wrap this up ?
So let us leave you now with one suggestion
A bit of wisdom you can take for free
The Mickeys and the Goofys and the Daffys
Are not the gentle souls they seem to be
So any time Sylvester catches Tweety
Or Tom has got poor Jerry in a fix
( he's in a fix )
Sit back and just observe it
Cause the little shits deserve it
For all cartoons are ****in' dicks !
So , when do we get to the off-color part of the album ?
Actually , if I can soften a mood a bit
I'd like to share a memory with you
When we were filming "Road to Europe"
I got a chance to see the lovely city of Paris