Music: Adam Schlesinger/David Javerbaum
PEGGY (spoken) :
Honey, you wanna know about bad?
PEGGY:
When I was a young girl
'Bout the age of one
I shot up my crib
With a BB gun
I never behaved
Never followed no rules
They kicked me out of nine nursery schools!
Every year for Mother's Day I'd steal my mother's purse
(She steals her mother's purse)
So if you wanna be bad
You're gonna have to do a whole lot worse
HATCHET-FACE:
My whole life long
I've been called a disgrace
I can hold up a bank
Using only my face
I'm the nastiΠ΅st creature
You evΠ΅r did see
On Halloween I dress up as me!
One look my way could make an angry mob disperse
(Make that mob disperse)
So if you wanna be bad
You're gonna have to do a whole lot worse
(A whole lot worse)
WANDA, PEGGY & HATCHET-FACE:
You're so squeaky clean
You're so spic and span
You never litter
Or loiter
Or drink from a can!
So when you start bragging 'bout your wicked life
We're like switchblades laughing at a butter knife
WANDA:
My body's a paradise
Of swivels and curves
Ever since I was twelve
I've been a magnet for perves
One day the Oscar Mayer man
Tried to cop a feel
I climbed up and stabbed him in his weinermobile!
I nearly turned that hotdog into a hearse
(A hotdog into a hearse)
PEGGY:
So do you wanna be bad?
WANDA:
Or mean?
HATCHET-FACE:
Or plain perverse?
ALLISON (spoken):
Yeah!
WANDA, PEGGY & HATCHET-FACE:
If you wanna be bad
You're gonna have to do a whole lot worse
(Yeahhh)
HATCHET-FACE:
It takes years to be bad
It ain't no passing fad
WANDA:
It takes commitment and time to master petty crime
PEGGY:
So if you want your degree
In delinquency
WANDA, PEGGY & HATCHET-FACE:
You're gonna have to be...
A whole hell of a lot worse!