Cancer

by Rivilin

📝 Lyrics

Lyrics: Connor Woodland/Boyd Harrod Music: Connor Woodland/Boyd Harrod Agony just festers; push it down 'til a cancer eats through IV drips don't work now, ripping at my flesh 'til I'm blue I know I'm not enough, I know I'm just stuck Feels like I've lost myself in the abstract of my story

Guess it didn't matter 'cause I hate that person Didn't want to be him, didn't want to see him But he just breathes inside of me Like he is the cancer; he is the one who deceived me

When I thought I was getting better—deceived me when I thought I was getting fed up Of my life, my aspirations, dancing above me like it's the ghost of you It's the curse I deal with, the hearse I fill; I place my body in two Yeah, I've made my bed with this situation, so I'll stay inside, losing my patience

With me. What a godsend—this dissociation's real What a mistake; I thought I could just feel More emotion, but it seems that I am lost Yeah, I think I should have given up

I should have given up I’ll never, I’ll never give me up

I fall, I fall 'cause I'm sick (I'm never getting up, never getting up) No one can help me with it (I find I'm always stuck, yeah, I'm always stuck)

I break and break, then I sink (I'm never getting up, never getting up) I try to run, but it sticks (I find I'm always stuck, yeah, I'm always stuck)

Tell me, does it get better than this? They say it doesn't; what's the point of all of it? Try to be me, but it don't work Every day I find I get a little worse

Try to make sense of this, try to make sense of my own hell It doesn't really matter anymore; I couldn't tell The more you stay here, the more you fit in It gets comfy while they eat at my skin

Try to go to therapy for depression—it's been a bit over fifteen years I'm sick of this; I want to be happy, but how do I just change myself? I want to be that kid who smiles again, but who was that back then? How do I remember Anything of me from back then? 'Cause that person is gone—that person is dead.

I struggle to find myself on the daily, living in this house where everything is hazy I can't believe this fog just moved with me; I wish it was clearer, I wish I had the guts to leave But I never did, so you find joy in removing my body parts Just hang me up and around your walls, until you just know that you've had enough.