Lyrics: Elena Erin
Music: Elena Erin
Left to myself in your house
like it's totally fine
The place is so quiet
I feel like I'm losing my mind
Should I be left alone like this
At only 10 years old?
Or would it be called neglect
If other adults know?
Mmm it's so empty
And that emptiness follows
As I grow up I feel stuck
In a version that still needs your love
Mm there's a hopelessness
There's no way my soul has chosen this
Like a hole was punched right through my chest, oh oh
//I could be a spy or an assassin
The way I scan the room for what might happen
And my face wont let you know how much I panic
Being normal is way harder than I imagined
My mind thinks it's protecting and adapting
But it kills my good ideas before they happen
With the way I self destruct, I'm an assassin
Learning to be loved is harder than I imagined//
I never know what I might do that'll make him too mad
When I hear his footsteps my heart starts a beating too fast
But I've gotten good at understanding every mood
And if I can balance him it's safer for me too
Mmm I'm so anxious
And that anxiousness makes me
Get good grades and behave
And try to be what people need
Mm there's a hopelessness
Should a child feel this depressed?
I got older and it never really leaves
//I could be a spy or an assassin
The way I scan the room for what might happen
And my face wont let you know how much I panic
Being normal is way harder than I imagined
My mind thinks it's protecting and adapting
But it kills my good ideas before they happen
With the way I self destruct, I'm an assassin
Learning to be loved is harder than I imagined
So I go and find the threats before they find me
Try to rest my head but they remind me
That I'd rather be prepared than be too happy
I guess I'm a hypervigilante//
Ooh it's so empty
And that emptiness follows
As I grow up I feel stuck
In a version that still needs your love
Ooh I'm so anxious
And that anxiousness makes me
never rest, I try my best
But I still think I'm not enough
//And I could be a spy or an assassin
The way I scan the room for what might happen
Miss the good times cause I'm preparing for something tragic
Learning to be safe is harder than I imagined
I know my brain is trying to protect me
'cause it knows what it's like to live on empty
But I spend my time like a hypervigilante
Trying to solve a future that ain't even happened
So I could be a spy or an assassin
The way I scan the room for what might happen
And my face wont let you know how much I panic
Being normal is way harder than I imagined//