Lyrics: Christopher Hampton/Don Black
Music: Andrew Lloyd Webber
ASTROLOGER: I don't think you should shoot before July 15th
Right now is a perilous time for Pisces
If you wait 'til Venus is in Capricorn
You'll avoid a catalog of crises
MASSEUSE 1: I need three more weeks to get these thighs in shape
No more carbohydrates, don't be naughty
MASSEUSE 2: We'll soon have you skipping like an ingenue
You won't look a day over forty
BEAUTICIAN 1: We have dry heat, we have steam
BEAUTICIAN 2: We have moisturizing cream
BEAUTICIAN 3: We had mud-packs
We have blood sacks
BEAUTICIAN 2: It's a rigorous regime
ALL: Not a wrinkle when you twinkle
Or a wobble when you walk
Of course, there's bound to be a little suffering
Eternal youth is worth a little suffering
ANALYST: Listen to your super ego not your id
Age is just another damn neurosis
I'll have you regressing back to infancy
And back into the womb under hypnosis
DOCTOR: I inject the tissue of the fetal lamb
The formula's the one Somerset Maugham owns
Just modest course of thirty-seven shots
And you will be a heaving mass of hormones
ALL: No more crow's feet, no more flab
No more love handles to grab
You'll be so thin they'll all think you're
Walking sideways like a crab
Nothing sagging, nothing bagging
Nothing dragging on the floor
Of course, there's bound to be a little suffering
Eternal youth is worth a little suffering
Of course, there's bound to be a little suffering
Eternal youth is worth a little suffering
Of course, there's bound to be a little suffering