Lyrics: Lucy Moss/Toby Marlow
Music: Lucy Moss/Toby Marlow
OLIVER: (spoken) So, tell me, what actually happened?
NANCY: (spoken)
So I matched with this guy on Hinge
We start chatting and suddenly I'm like,
"Oh shit, I recognise that company name
That's where The Ex works
OLIVER: (spoken) And just to confirm, this is 'The Ex'?
NANCY: (spoken)
Yeah, 'The Ex'
So I'm like, "Ooh do I really want to go
For a drink with someone who may,
In fact currently be sharing desk space
With the 'one that got away'?"
And I'm like, "Yes, of course"
OLIVER: (spoken) Yeah, like obviously
NANCY: (spoken) Yeah cause like,
What could possibly go wrong?
OLIVER: (spoken) Well?
NANCY: So it's like any other date
OLIVER: So you're charming and you're grеat
NANCY:
Yes, I've hidden all my flaws,
But strap in
Bеcause it's going well,
I'm thinking, "What the hell?
I'll ask about my ex,
What's the worst thing
That could happen?"
OLIVER: No don't tell me ahh
NANCY, OLIVER:
Yes, he's moving out
To Paris with a girlfriend
What?
Which shocked me
So naturally I cried,
My date was terrified
And said, "Hey, let's be friends"
But now I'm pretty sure he's blocked me
NANCY:
What sucks though, is I know
The Ex is out there practicing Français
Meanwhile I'm sat here in your flat
Back here with you listening to me say
Why am I so single?
Why am I so alone?
I'm so ready to mingle
I don't get it
Why am I so single?
My bed's more barren
Than the backyard of Kris Kringle
OLIVER: I don't get it
NANCY: Just forget it
And I think I'm a decent catch
But every time I find a match
No matter what I do
I end up sitting here sinking
My troubles in a drink
In your flat still thinking
Why am I so single?
OLIVER: (spoken) Okay, let's stop this moping
And go out on the town
NANCY: (spoken) No, I'm too sad and alone
OLIVER: (spoken)
Come on, we'll paint it red baby
Redder than your puffy eyes
NANCY: (spoken)
Great, thanks for that
OLIVER: (spoken)
Ooh I know,
Let's go away together again
On another writing retreat
Bash out the musical we've got to do
NANCY: (spoken)
I'd love to but I've got a very busy schedule
Of weeping to keep up with
So unfortunately I won't be able-
OLIVER: (spoken)
Oh my God, come on
No, no, no, no, shut up,
It'll be so fun
Remember last time?
(sung)
We got that little countryside Airbnb
I'd make you breakfast at the AGA
NANCY: (spoken) Oh yeah!
OLIVER:
And on the night the rain poured,
I sat with you and endured
NANCY & OLIVER: All five feature films in the Twilight Saga
OLIVER:
Jacob showed his torso more
And more and more
So I quietly opened Grindr
But the app was an abyss,
So while you stayed to watch them kiss
I went to bed
And had my own happy ending, kinda
NANCY: (spoken) Wait, what?
OLIVER:
Actually wow, hearing that now
Makes it sound like I'm some rejectee
NANCY: (spoken) But no, that's me
OLIVER: (spoken) Yeah, cause
(sung)
For that to be true
I would need to
Have had an actual boyfriend
To dump me, ha ha ha ha!
OLIVER & ENSEMBLE:
Why am I so single?
(Why, why, why, why?)
Why am I so alone?
I'm so ready to mingle
(They're so ready)
I don't get it
Why am I so single?
(Why, why, why, why?)
They say, "Go get 'em Tiger"
But I'm no Bengal
OLIVER: (spoken) Rawr! Like the jungle cat
NANCY: Thanks, we get it
OLIVER: Shall we duet it?
NANCY: (spoken) Sure
NANCY & OLIVER:
I know I'm a ****ing ten,
But when I'm out there f– dating men
OLIVER: No matter what I do
NANCY: No matter what we do
OLIVER:
I end up sitting here sinking
My troubles in a drink
In my flat still thinking
Why am I so single?
NANCY: (spoken) So we poured ourselves another glass,
Chatted more
But don't worry,
We didn't lose our composure at all
OLIVER: You're so nice
NANCY: You're so nice
NANCY & OLIVER:
Both of us are just so very nice
And handsome
NANCY: We are well read
OLIVER: Good at giving advice
NANCY, OLIVER & ENSEMBLE:
We're sexually healthy
And adequately wealthy
So what the ****ing hell is going on?
(What the **** is going on?)
OLIVER: Why am I–
NANCY & ENSEMBLE:
Why am I so single?
(Why, why, why, why?)
I'm trying hard to score
But I'm stuck in goal
I don't get it
OLIVER & ENSEMBLE:
Why am I so single?
(Why, why, why, why?)
The only thing I'm eating out
Is this tube of Pringles
OLIVER: (spoken) He doesn't get it
NANCY & ENSEMBLE:
Why am I so single?
(Why, why, why, why?)
Anne's off getting laid
But I'm the other Boleyn girl
NANCY: (spoken) I never get it
OLIVER & ENSEMBLE:
Why am I so single? (Why?)
It's like they're singing
"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi"
But I'm not bilingual (Not bilingual)
Je ne comp prom pas
NANCY & OLIVER:
Pourquoi je sui so single
OLIVER:
Oh!
(spoken)
Yeah, maybe this is why actually
NANCY: (spoken) Yeah, probably, yeah