Music: Jim Bonney
Lower Runger (spoken): The other day I stumbled into the right wrong lift on the ACS Undisputed Claim. And who did I see, riding with me? The self-made market legend, herself! Paragon of do-it-yourself! Slayer of unlucrative bureaucracy. Highest rung on our brave new meritocracy... I saw my opportunity and I took it! I said, "Auntie! A moment of your time? Have any tips for a bottom runger who's lost on the climb? See, I tried my best to urge her cause I rose before the merger withĀ Spacer'sĀ Choice. So, all full of confidence, I asked her: "How do I find success inĀ Auntie'sĀ Choice?" And this is what she saidĀ to me Auntie (spoken): The old corporate thinking will only leave you sinking. Listen child and take it straight from me. This term "self-embetterment" Makes you one-hundred-and-ten-percent! Everything you'd ever hope to be. Lower Runger (spoken): She said Be the you that you would be, If you were any better! Get some get up and go you Get-up and go-getter! Choose betterment o'er impediment Improve yourself, enhance the whole! Get that raise, advance your role! And ignore all toll. Monopolize for price control That's our highest goal! Auntie (spoken): We've got an improved outlook A revolutionary corporate guidebook With aĀ fresh-new can't-lose surefireĀ sales pitch Now, our underlings are grinning And upper rungers are winning So shortly you and IĀ will all get rich! Lower Runger (spoken): She said Persuade them that a better me Liberates society Sell them on an improved me Is tantamount to piety! Choose betterment o'er impediment Improve yourself enhance the whole! Get that raise advance your role! And ignore all toll Monopolize for price control That's our highest goal! Lower Runger Pitch them on some moral grays Make them buy our corporate ways! Convince them and increase your sway Make them do what we say! Lower Runger (spoken): I saw time for one more lesson so I shot her one last question. I said, "But I worry 'bout reprisals, when dealin' with my rivals Suppose I can't out-do orĀ out thinkĀ the vast herds?" She said Auntie (spoken): "If all else fails,Ā kill the bastards!" They're playing checkers. You're playing chess. They think you'll retreat but that's when you press. The game isĀ cut-throat So be aĀ cut-throat Lower Runger (spoken): She said.. Do what you can And do what you must To get far ahead But never get caught Do what you must And do what you can Ignore all the rules And never get caught! Never get caught! Never get caught! Never get caught! Oh, Never get caught! Never get caught! No, Never get caught! Never get caught! Lower Runger (spoken): My corporate zeal ā had been revived! Soon enough, the lift arrived Our time had come to an end Auntie quickly penned an invoice for her time And smiling, she said Auntie (spoken): ThisĀ is how you climb. There's no such thing as free advice, dear