Clubs Glorious Clubs

Lyrics: Toby Marlow/Lucy Moss Music: Toby Marlow/Lucy Moss When did we meet again? Oh come on, you remember. It was freshers week. At that two-thousands, throwback club night, Ohhh yeah, what was it called? Noughties but nice! Classic, Yep and you were both giving the most intense vibes in the world, What? No we weren’t， Yeah I remember that evening, we were so cool and chill, I hate to have to do this but, don’t you remember…， You were in the corner, you wanted to get with that guy, I wanted him cos he was so dreamy, He wanted someone, I wanted it to be me, You were at the back and stood chatting to someone nearby, He wanted me, it was kinda excessive, Coming on strong and a little obsessive, Yours tries to move on and I can tell you wanna make him jealous, Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen, that’s how you do it， Yours gets his groove on and I can see you wanna get to freedom, It’s a no, gotta show him I’m not into it， I look up slowly, To the first person I see, I know what I must do somehow, Hear the beating of my heart, The crowd of dancers part, This is gonna happen now, Right there in the middle of the dancefloor, Right where everybody in the club saw, No more words, Came forwards, And S N O double G E D, (THEY SNOGGED!), All the people looking on with envy, (SNOGGED!), All the boys and the girls and the NBs, (SNOGGED!), It was mission, Accomplished when we, S N O double G E D, S N O double G E D, S N O double G E D, Yes, S N O double G E D, S N O double G E D, *breathe breathe breathe*, So… I think your memories are selective， This is what happened from my perspective…. I was in the corner, I wanted to get with that guy, Who all night long you’d been pretty much stalking， You’d cornered him and you wouldn’t stop talking， I was at the back and stood chatting to someone nearby, Who seemed like a sweet guy making conversation, You were acting like he was a rabid Alsatian, Mine tried to move on and I thought “well, I’ve gotta make him jealous”， He went back to his friends - you started crying, Mine got his groove on and I could see I had to get to freedom, Never seen so much sweat - I thought you were dying, Though you could barely see, You looked round desperately, To find someone as trashed as you, You staggered, bleary-eyed, You pushed people aside, And I thought who the hell are these two? Right there in the middle of the dancefloor, Right where everybody in the club saw, We went silent, As you violently, S N O double G E D, (WE SNOGGED!), So performative and weird, Everyone in the vicinity cleared, So messy, And depressing when you, S N O double G E D, Used a queer to seduce a straight guy, Used a woman to avoid a great guy, On the fence of, Offensive when you, S N O double G E D, S N O double G E D, S N O double G E D, Yes, S N O double G E D, S N O double G E D, *breathe breathe breathe*, Is he watching? Yes, Does he look jealous? ...yes? So yeah, when I’d seen what you two did， That was the moment I concluded, “Think I’ll keep them as just friends， Cos something’s going on and it’s pretty intense”， To be fair now I’m looking back with fresh eyes， I think I’m gonna die of shame， Likewise! But I saw you chatting to your boys later that night, So I guess it all worked out? Yeah not quite…， Can I add you on Facebook? Who uses facebook anymore? It’s all about vine. Okay see you around! Can I get your number? Er listen my phone broke when I was doing the ice bucket challenge so… see you around! Sooo….. Heyyy…， Heyyy, I think everyone I came with has left, Oh, I’m here with the LGBT soc! Come hang with us if you want! Really? Consider yourself part of the family, I’m taking to you so strong， It’s clear， We’re， Going to get along, Wait sorry, am I in the presence of another Oliver Exclamation Mark superfan?? Oh it’s only my favourite musical of all time ever!!!! Okay so I actually downloaded the torrent from pirate bay earlier this evening. I don’t suppose you want to go back to mine and watch Oliver Exclamation Mark with me? Never before has a boy asked me to do that, I’d love to! Yay! Let’s go! ...AND THEN WE ****ED! Right there, yeah, the two of us screwed! Right after Food Glorious Food, WHAT? Bent over, The sofa, And F U C K E D, Yeah, WE ****ED!!!! No, we didn’t actually, that’s a lie， Obviously.