Lyrics: Toby Marlow/Lucy Moss
Music: Toby Marlow/Lucy Moss
So. Tell me.
How does one end up on a date
with their ex's colleague?
Okay so, I matched with this guy on hinge…
Ooh - sorry one second -
didn't we decide to underscore this?
Omg you're so right, yeah, sorry…
Okay so I matched with this guy on hinge,
we start chatting, and suddenly I'm like,
oh shit, I recognise that company name,
that is where the ex works
And this is THE ex?
Yeah, THEE ex. So I'm like, “ooh
(Ooooooooooh-)
Ooh actually I think we gonna save that for verse 2?
Keep 'em hungry, you know? Would you mind, babe…?
So I'm like "oh, do I really wanna go for a drink with someone
who shares a desk with 'the one that got away'"..?
And I'm like.. Yes of course.
Yeah like obviously
Yeah cos like - what could possibly go wrong…?
Well?
So it's like any other date
So you're charming and you're great?
Yes, I've hidden all my flaws, but strap in
Because it's going well
I'm thinking "what the hell!"
I'll ask about my ex,
what's the worst thing that could happen?”
No, don't tell me, aaah!
Yes! He's moving out to Paris
With a GIRLFRIEND
What?!
Which shocked me
So naturally I cried
My date was terrified
And said "hey let's be friends!"
but now I'm pretty sure he's blocked me
What sucks tho
Is I know
The ex is out there practising "français"
Meanwhile I'm sat
Here in your flat
Back here with you listening to me say
Why am I so single?
Why am I so alone?
I'm so ready to mingle
I don't get it!
Why am I so single?
My bed's more barren than the backyard of Kris Kringle!
HAHAHA, I don't get it
Just forget it
And I think I'm a decent catch
But every time I find a match
No matter what I do
I end up sitting here sinking
My troubles in a drink
In your flat still thinking
Why am I so single?
Okay let's stop this moping and go out on the town
No I'm too sad and alone
Come on we'll paint it red BABY,
redder than your puffy eyes
Great thanks for that
Ooooooh...
(Ooooohhh)
...I know - right on cue -
let's go away together again!!!
On another writing retreat!!!
Bash out that musical we've gotta do!
Aww I'd love to,
but I've actually got a very busy schedule of weeping to keep up with,
so unfortunately I'm not gonna make it
Omg come on shut up it'll be so fun,
remember last time
We got that little countryside Airbnb I'd
Make you breakfast at the aga
Oh yeah
And on the night the rain poured
I sat with you and endured
All five feature films in the Twilight Saga
Jacob showed his torso
More and more and more
So I quietly opened Grindr
But the app was an abyss
So while you stayed to watch them kiss
I went to bed and had my own happy ending, kinda..
...Wait what?
Actually, wow
Hearing that now
Makes it sound like I'm some rejectee
But no, that’s me!
Yeah cos
For that to be true
I would need to
Have had an actual boyfriend to dump me HAHAHA
Why am I so single?
(Why w-w-why?)
Why am I so alone?
I'm so ready to mingle!
(They're so ready)
I don't get it!
Why am I so single?
(Why w-w-why?)
They say 'go get him tiger' but I'm no bengal
Raaawwrrr, like the jungle cat
Thanks we get it
Shall we duet it?
Sure
And I know I'm a ****ING ten
But when I'm out there FFF-dating men
No matter what I do…
No matter what we do
I end up sitting here sinking
My troubles in a drink
In my flat still thinking
Why am I so single?
So we poured ourselves another glass,
chatted more,
but don't worry
we didn't lose our composure at all
You're so nice
You're so nice
Both of us are just so very nice
and handsome
We are well-read
Good at giving advice
We're sexually healthy
And adequately wealthy
So what the ****ing hell is going on?
(What the **** is going on?)
WHY AM I -
WHY AM I SO SINGLE?
(Why w-w-why?)
I'm trying hard to score, but I'm stuck in goal
I don't get it!
Why am I so single?
(Why w-w-why?)
The only thing I'm eating out is this tube of pringles
He doesn't get it
Why am I so single?
(Why w-w-why?)
Anne's off getting laid,
but I'm the other Boleyn girl
I never get it.
Why am I so single?
(Why?)
It's like they're singing
"voulez-vous coucher avec moi?"
But I'm not bilingual
(Not bilingual)
Je ne comprend pas
Pour quoi je suis so single
OOO-AA-AA-AAAHHHHHHH—
Yeah maybe this is why actually
Yeah probably yeah
(Why?)